


An Exercise in Sucking

by sburbanite



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Accidental Choking, Humor, Illustrated, It's OK though they can try again, M/M, Oral Sex, Snark, Unsuccessful Oral Sex, Xeno, Xenocultural exchange
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-27 16:49:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7626370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sburbanite/pseuds/sburbanite
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave decides to try something new with Karkat, but oral sex is a challenge when your partner's dick has a mind of its own.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Exercise in Sucking

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by some [lovely art](http://dorlu.tumblr.com/post/148202606623/im-screaming-bc-i-made-this-silly-little) by the wonderful [Allysinian](http://allyssinian.tumblr.com/) on the Davekat Discord

“Are you sure you want to do this, Dave?”

You look up at Karkat, who is giving you a heartbreakingly concerned look. Goddamnit, how are you supposed to concentrate on putting a dick in your mouth for the first time with him giving you those puppy-dog eyes. Losing your oral virginity should be a sacred moment, one where nobody is making you feel uncomfortably, squirmingly cared about.

“Of fucking course I do,” You reply, eyeing his long, red tentacle and hoping he’ll just let you get on with it. Any more of his worry about your wellbeing and you’re going to lose your nerve. “It’s just, there’s not exactly a manual for this kind of troll-y stuff.”

Karkat makes a little huffing laugh, and you realize you’re underselling yourself here. Karkat’s never had anything but overeager hands on his bulge so you can’t fuck it up too badly, right? Even just, like, licking it would probably feel good. Yeah. You’re going to be awesome at this.

“Not to say I won’t totally rock your-“

Just as you’re beginning an elaborate brag-ramble about how great this is going to feel, how it’s going to be better than a double chocolate sundae with extra nuts and a side of thinly-veiled sexual metaphor, Karkat Jr up and slaps you gently, wetly across the face.

 

“Fuck,” you say, licking at the goo it spread across your lips, “rude. Don’t slap the mouth that sucks you, Karkat. That’s fucking weak BJ etiquette right there.” It tastes OK. It’s not, like, the nicest flavour but it mostly tastes like it smells, slightly salty, warm, and Karkat-ish. You can deal with that. You can totally deal with it.

“Shut up, Dave, I don’t fucking control where my bulge goes! Fuck, what the hell is wrong with your entire perverted species that you have to shove everything into your mouths like fucking wigglers?! Just stop, Dave, abort mission.”

When you glance up you realize he’s deeply embarrassed. His chest and face are flushed and he’s frowning so hard it’s a wonder his face doesn’t crack in half. You guess involuntary dick-slaps aren’t exactly his ideal method of foreplay either.

“Chill, man, I’m kidding. It’s nice to meet you face to face, lil' guy,” you say, crooning at his bulge in an attempt to sound seductive. It’s semi-successful. Karkat doesn’t push you away or anything, but you recognise the look that means “stop talking to my bulge or I’ll kick you in the face.”

Gingerly, you stick out your tongue and grasp the base of his eldritch crotch-monster with your hand, trying to stop it from making a detailed exploration of your face. You have to chase it around for a few seconds, narrowly avoiding an unwanted nasal exam, all while trying to ignore the part of your brain that’s screaming that this is the least sexy thing to have ever happened. When your tongue brushes the underside of the tip, though, Karkat lets out a high-pitched squeak that makes it all worthwhile. His legs tense against your shoulders, pressing you closer, and you can’t wait to see how much he’s going to lose it when you actually get his bulge into your mouth.

 

OK, here goes. Time to suck dick and chew bubblegum, and when you’re butt naked there’s nowhere sanitary to keep your bubblegum.

“Fuck, Dave,” Karkat hisses as you feed the tip of his bulge into your mouth, running your tongue over the underside of it and getting used to the strange, alien texture. It’s smooth, slimy with that lubricating material that just sort of tastes like Karkat, and it yields a little under your tongue in a way you didn’t expect. It’s a fleshy party in your mouth, and you’re very glad you invited Karkat’s dick when he whimpers uncharacteristically and draws his ankles up your back, squeezing your head with his knees as if he never wants you to move again. You could make that work, you think; a whole lifetime of watching him throw his head back and gasp for air like he’s drowning. The view is incredible, not to mention the way Karkat is desperately running his hands through your hair, and it’s more than worth the fact your knees are starting to hurt.

Time to try some good shit, really get out the cock-sucking bag of tricks and empty them all over Karkat’s floor. Licking and tongue wrestling with the tip of him yields a pleasing array of noises from Karkat, and sucking it gets a few loud “FUCK”s that go straight to your own crotch and light up your dick like Christmas. There’s a lot of him still outside your mouth, though, so you open up a little wider in the hope that he’ll slide a little more in and you can really start going to town.

That is NOT what happens.

When you open your jaw, instead of gently pushing in he starts to _bury_ himself in your mouth. The tip of the tentacle thrashes in the back of your throat, pushing deeper back behind your molars and the base of your tongue, and OH GOD NO you’re gonna throw up. You choke, gagging and coughing around him, and desperately try and heave the offending cock out from where it’s trying to burrow into your fucking lungs. Karkat squeals as you grab the base of his dick roughly, pulling back at the hips so that you topple over backward but at least you can breathe. The sensation of having a pulsing, writhing organ in your throat, in the place where the touch of a single fucking hair is enough to make you want to lose your lunch, is still too much. You can still feel him there, thrashing inside you, and not for the first time you’re thankful as fuck trolls keep a bucket handy when they have sex. Goodbye dignity, it was nice briefly knowing you. Romance should probably be the next one in the firing line because you’re pretty sure Karkat will never want to see you naked again now that he’s seen you throw up into his sex toy.

“DAVE WHAT THE FUCK!?” Karkat screams at you, volume control completely out of the window. “WHAT HAPPENED, DID I FUCKING KILL YOU? OH GOD, I’VE MURDERED YOU WITH MY BULGE, KNOWING MY FUCKING LUCK THAT’LL COUNT AS JUST.”

You laugh, sniggering weakly into the bucket and not making eye contact.

“I’m not dying, dude, calm down. I’m fine.”

“YOU’RE NOT FINE, YOU JUST PROJECTILE VOMITED INTO THE FUCKING…PAIL…AFTER THIRTY SECONDS OF EXPOSURE TO MY BULGE. HOLY SHIT, MY MATERIAL IS PROBABLY POISONOUS TO HUMANS SINCE I’M THE ONE THAT KILLED YOUR ENTIRE UNIVERSE, WHY DID I LET YOU TALK ME INTO THIS? WHY AM I SUCH A FUCKING DISASTER FOR EVERYONE WHO KNOWS ME?”

Karkat is on his knees now, clinging to your back like he thinks you’re about to keel over into the mess you’ve made. Now that you can breathe normally again you realize Karkat isn’t, he’s sobbing raggedly into your skin. Groaning at the cramps still ripping through your stomach, you shuffle around so you can hold him properly. Running your hands through his hair seems to help.

“Karkat, seriously, I’m fine, I promise. I’m not dying or poisoned or sick or whatever, see?”

You lift his head with one hand, cupping his cheek and making him look at you. You also use the other hand to wipe your mouth because he’s pretty close to your face and you’d rather he didn’t see any stray vomit. His breathing calms as you smile at him, but he’s still crying. You guess an explanation is in order because he is freaking out way more that you could have predicted over a little inexperienced gag-vomiting

“Your wriggly crotch-friend just barged his way into my gag reflex, that’s all. I wouldn’t say no to a gigantic glass of water but I’m totally fine.”

“YOUR WHAT REFLEX? WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?”

“Gag reflex. You know, like, if you poke the back of your throat with something you throw up.”

“What,” Karkat asks, his voice flat. “Why would you be poking at your throat? Why would that even be a thing? That is the dumbest load of hoofbeast shit I have ever heard.”

That is a…surprisingly difficult question.

“I dunno, man, I think it’s supposed to save your ass if you swallow something too big, like if you decide to shove a piece of cake so large it’ll literally fill your entire airway into your mouth all in one go.”

You pause for a second, suddenly thoughtful. “Knowing how much restraint John has it’s probably the only reason he survived his childhood. I’ve seen photos of that kid deep-throating a cookie the size of his own head.”

Karkat sighs heavily, quickly swiping the pink tears from his cheeks using the edge of your bedclothes. That’ll be another trip to the laundry room, no doubt, and another opportunity for Rose to catch you with a bundle of pink-stained sheets.

“Are you telling me,” Karkat says, wearily, “that your species is so fucking stupid it has an automatic response designed to protect those of you that go around shoving anything and everything into their mouths like braindead trunkbeasts.”

“Pretty much, yeah, although you weren’t complaining about my species’ oral creativity a few minutes ago,” you wink, because if you can get him to laugh then you’ll know everything is OK, “I’m still up for shoving your anything and everything in my face if you can keep him from trying to crawl his way into my goddamn stomach.” Karkat rolls his eyes but you see the edge of his lips twitch upward ever so slightly. You see it.

“I don’t…have a lot of control over him, over _it_ , fuck I’m starting to talk about my bulge the way you do. It just felt…” Karkat is turning bright red again, which is your favourite thing in the entire universe. OK, second favourite. Third, tops.

“What, what did it feel like? Don’t leave me hanging over here.” you ask, wanting to hear him say it.

“It felt REALLY good, Dave, OK? Is that what you wanted to hear? I’m a fucking creep who’s willing to put his boyfriend’s life in danger because I want to get my globes off in your mouth like a complete pervert.”

You splutter, laughing in his face, and it’s rude as fuck but you don’t care. He’s so goddamned blunt and honest it’s making your heart soar.

“You’re not a pervert, dumbass. Humans do this shit all the time.”

“ _Trolls_ don’t."

“Seems like a waste to me, if you guys don’t gag then what’s fucking stopping you. Also, so what, Karkat? I’m not a troll, in case you forgot. I wanna choke on your bulge more than anything, just not actually, like, literally choke.”

Karkat grumbles a little, relaxing against you and throwing an arm around your chest. He snuggles into your shoulder and you feel a low hum in his chest.

“Well what the fuck do we do about that?” he asks, “My bulge has a mind of its own half the time.”

“We’ll work it out, Karkat, I can be creative genius if I know my reward is you making noises like that, because holy shit that was incredible. I’m bringing a fucking recorder with me next time because I NEED to get a sample of that.”

Karkat punches you gently in the stomach.

“Seriously though, we could, I dunno, put a collar on the base or something so that he can only go in so far? Or I can go away and prod the back of my throat until it doesn’t make me want to hurl. There’s a solution out there somewhere and I will fucking find it.”

“Hmm. Let’s try the first one…the other one sounds gross as fuck.” Karkat says, and you grin into his hair. You can totally do this.

Next time the only thing going in the bucket is going to be Karkat’s weird alien jizz, or your name isn’t Dave Strider.


End file.
